Post by kegan on Apr 27, 2012 22:56:21 GMT -5
tell me where our time went
[/color]KEGAN JAY DIESEL[/color]
and if it was time well spent[/color][/font]
just don't let me fall asleep[/color]
FEELING EMPTY AGAIN [/color]
'cause i fear i might break[/color][/font]
Kegan has had an interesting past. He is right now, coming out of the lowest point of his life. His wife, Kate just passed away eight months ago and Kegan is having a hard time dealing with her death. He lives on his parent's ranch, the Diesel Ranch, and he manages the farm for now. He will eventually inherit the farm, if his parents don't give it to his cousins, but for now the farm is in his parent's name. The farm is actually a family owned business and it is very important to Kegan. He spends a lot of his time there, as well as at his second job; a bouncer at Orchid. Kegan used to go out and party quite often, but ever since Kate passed away, his lifestyle has changed considerably. He is a good guy, deep down, whether he shows it or not. The one thing you shouldn't expect is: for Kegan to share what happened to him. He doesn't share that with anyone, he has a hard time opening up about stuff like that.
and i fear i can't take it[/color]
TONIGHT I'LL LIE AWAKE FEELING EMPTY[/color]
i can feel the pressure[/color][/font]
Kegan used to have a lot of friends. But during the six months after Kate's death, he ended up loosing a lot of his friends. He stopped going out - and when he did - it was to just stock up his alcohol supply. He drank himself into oblivion, and it wasn't until his cousin (Jeremy) pulled him out of it, did he start to change his ways. Now Kegan is looking around for more social support, but he isn't too desperate to find it. Kegan wants to have more support, but on the other hand, he will not be able to go and meet new people. He just doesn't have it in him anymore. He needs someone to come and get him and shake him out of his depressed loop that he keeps winding back up in. But he won't ask for help, that is against Kegan's nature, and he would probably refuse any help - at least at first. Either way, Kegan keeps his two jobs and they keep him busy. He parties less, but he still knows how to go out and have a good time. Kegan just needs some steady rocks in his life that keep him from falling over the cliff.
it's getting closer now[/color]
WE'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU[/color]
now that i'm losing hope[/color][/font]
Kegan has probably made more enemies in this stage of his life, than he has in the past. He is distant now, and most of the time he is moody as well. He can't help feeling depressed and even though he is trying to deal with it, it takes a long time to get over the death of a close loved one. Kegan will more than likely shut down if he gets into a conversation that he doesn't like. He tries less now, to keep a conversation going and this pisses a lot of people off. He comes off as being almost standoffish and annoyed, but more often than not, Kegan isn't really even thinking about the current conversation. He gets lost in his own thoughts and feelings more often than not and this causes him to become very quiet. People loose interest in him and move on, and he really doesn't care at the end of the day. The last person he really cared about and tried to keep happy was taken from him, so in his thinking, why would he bother doing that again? Life just seems far too fragile now for Kegan to really allow himself to open up.
and there's nothing else to show[/color]
FOR ALL OF THE DAYS THAT WE SPENT[/color]
carried a way from home[/color][/font]
There isn't any other way to say this: Kegan's love life sucks. He doesn't bother getting into anything more serious than a one night stand, and even those are rather sparse. He just can't allow himself to get committed to anyone, at least not right now. His last love was taken from him, rather suddenly, and because of that it's hard for him to trust anyone. Obviously it wasn't Kate's fault that she died - she had been driving back from a show and someone had cut into her lane, causing her truck and trailer to flip. She died as well as her prize mare, the one that Kegan had bought her for her birthday. The whole story is rather tragic. Kegan hadn't been expecting it to come, although you often didn't expect these tragic things to happen. But it's a hard thing to get over, and even though it's only been 8 months, Kegan doesn't feel any better about the whole thing now, than he did 8 months earlier. He feels like he's stuck in a rut, but he can't get himself out of it because he doesn't want to ask for help. Kegan is one of those guys who has a big pride and he is stubborn as well. he won't ask anyone for help, because he believes that he can heal on his own. But what he needs is someone he can allow to get close to him. Someone to help heal the pain, slowly.
somethings i'll never know[/color]
AND I HAD TO LET THEM GO[/color]
i'm sitting all alone feeling empty[/color][/font]
Kegan has a pretty depressing past; and it is sort of ruling over his life at the moment. But he really just needs some steady people in his life. People that he can trust, and learn to allow himself to trust. He is a pretty hard character to get through to - because of the tough exterior that he as built up. If you have any questions about Kegan, ask away. :]
i can feel the pressure[/color]
IT’S GETTING CLOSER NOW[/color]
you're better off without me[/color][/font]
made by shandy at caution 2.0
lyrics by paramore - pressure[/center]
